Please be advised that this piece is satire and is for entertainment only…
Meghan Markle, the Queen of Montecito (formerly The Duchess of Sussex) stares at the television screen in her and King Harry’s bedroom, her face going as purple as a beetroot. She sees that a news report that her sister-in-law, The Duchess of Cambridge’s photography book, Hold Still has reached number on the Amazon Best Seller list. Sitting on the bed is her hapless husband, who is basking in the satire of what their lives have now become. He is not paying attention to her tantrum as he is looking down at his phone which shows the Amazon bestseller list where his wife’s children’s book, The Bench currently sits well down in 5000th place.
“How can people love HER book?!” Meghan screams as she jumps up and down, her baby bump bouncing erratically. “It’s a bunch of shit photos!” When she realises that Harry isn’t paying attention, she turns to him. “Harry!”
Harry’s head shoots up and turns at the sound of her voice. “Hmm? Sorry, Meg, I was just looking at the bestseller list for your book and well, you’re not on there.”
Meghan’s eyes widen. “WHAT?!” She rushes over to him and grabs the phone. Her eyes frantically scan the screen as she scrolls down, looking for the book. She lets out a shriek and goes to throw the phone to the ground but Harry grabs it before it leaves her hand. He cradles it like a small wounded animal. Markle simply rolls her eyes in annoyance. You can basically see – no, hear the cogs in her mind working – she believes the man she married for his fancy title, is an idiot.
Children’s Book Is Defeated By A Book Of Photos
“How can a book with just photos beat MY children’s book about a child’s bond with their father?!” She is beyond pissed at this time, she turns back to Harry, her hands on her hips. When he says nothing, she snaps at him, “Answer me!”
Harry instantly flashes back to the fun times he used to have with his brother and sister-in-law. He remembers running around the halls of Kensington Palace with his niece and nephew and how it felt to be a massive kid. He also remembers how he felt when Catherine had announced she was pregnant with Louis.
“HARRY!”
Snapping out of his daze, Harry sees Meghan glaring and overly seething at him. He internally cringes, something he has been doing a lot of since they were planning the wedding. He straightens his shoulders and bows his head, not bothering to look up to see how red her face is. Then, he finally musters up the courage, something he has not had in a while, to say something he has wanted to say for a while.
“Kate has always had a good eye for photography.” He steels himself what happens next.
Meghan lets out a scream similar to Meredith Blake in the Lindsay Lohan version of The Parent Trap.
The Debunking
Some weeks earlier, Harry and Meghan were sitting in front of the television as their interview with Oprah plays out before the world. Meghan sits, her hands on her belly, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. She loves hearing her own voice, while Harry sits nearby, secretly cringing at how overly cringeworthy he is when he appears on the screen.
However, a few days go by and Meghan is heard screaming at the top of her lungs as lie after lie is debunked from the home office.
“IT IS THE TRUTH! THESE RACIST ASSHOLES CAN’T SEE THAT!” Meghan hisses.
Harry stands on the other side of the door with Archie in his arms.
As time wears on, Meghan is seen becoming more desperate to her victim narrative out there. However, it gets to the point where they’re forced to issue a statement about her comment regarding the secret wedding, especially after a vicar came out and said the Archbishop of Canterbury doesn’t do private weddings.
Meghan also puts in a complaint with ITV to get Piers Morgan removed from his job.
Piers Keeps Talking
Meghan continues to be worn down as Piers Morgan continues to trash talk her.
“Will Piers just shut up?!”
Harry is beyond over it as his wife continues to boss him around and control every aspect of his life. She even told him to keep up the victim narrative with The Me You Can’t See, the Apple docuseries he did with Oprah. He simply ignores the satire that is his fame-hungry wife.
Piers doesn’t stop talking and basically makes a lot of the world wake up to the fact that Meghan is living in a satire world. There are some who choose to believe her, but she will always have a small assortment of followers. To them, she is a queen.
